Mormon Encounters: Part 1 - Well Met, It Seems

A chance meeting with a couple of very clean cut religious young lasses from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS or Mormon) a month or so ago has turned into a series of alternately fascinating and alarming experience for me. As of today we have had 5 discussions and 2 church dates so far. I don't think they have made much progress in terms of convincing me of the veracity of their dogma, but I think we have learned quite a bit about each others and our ways of thinking, and that makes it all quite worthwhile for me. 

We first met near my current apartment one evening as I was taking my roommate's dog (Indi the tenacious non-Rottweiler) out for a walk. Two rather conservatively dressed 20 something lasses had just gotten out of their car in the parking lot and crossed our path as they headed for a neighboring condo, one spotted Indi and zoomed right over in the hope of petting her - a simultaneously brave and foolhardy move considering that Indi is the temperamental terror of the neighborhood. Luckily Indi was in a good mood and tolerated the petting for a bit before starting to cringe her nose - the first step in her rapid-grumpying-sequence that usually ends in a very unsanitary attempt excision of her fondling admirer's nose. Recognizing the change, I pulled her out of striking distance, of course, and made to head out toward the park nearby.

Not missing any beat, the brave lass looked up at me and asked if she and the other lass could come over to share some 'good news'. Being an ex-Evangelical Christian I pretty much knew exactly what the nature of this 'good news' would be. These gals were Mormon missionaries, however, and that was something I'm not terribly familiar with. Not being one to wave well-wishers off without giving them due audience, I said yes.

I expected them to come knocking on my door later that evening after they were done visiting the neighbor, but they didn't turn up until a few days later when I was out of town. So we kept missing each other for a while (since I haven't got a telephone... No, I really don't!). Once they've caught me at home, though, they have been dropping in at my pad once a week or so ever since, 'teaching' me their 'discussions' about their church and belief, and I have tagged along with them to the nearby ward church a couple of times. It's been an interesting experience!

By the end of the first appointment, I must admit, I pretty much knew that our 'discussions' wouldn't progress toward my being converted into the LDS church. Don't get me wrong, the ladies are delightful company and have impeccable manner, even if rather very formal by Southern California standard. Sisters Stetig and Wendig (they call each other Sister + surname and insist that others do the same when addressing them. Apparently the male missionaries are called Elder + surname) always dress conservatively (skirts and heels, never pants or casual tee), stick together like Siamese twins, and are endlessly polite. They even listen and try very hard to relate their dogma to me in terms that they think I would relate to. It is just that the doctrine they espouse doesn't make any sense to me, and there were something about what they said that bugged me to no end. 

First off, they claim to be 'Christians', but dogmatically they clearly are not... And they don't seem to realize this. Their notion of the Christian creed seems weirdly askew (and I'm trying to type this with a straight face since Christianity, to me, is already quite well twisted to begin with). Sure, they use a lot of the same words the Christians use, but they use them to mean different things. And I have yet to find anything in the Christian dogma that claims that there was a pre-existence where everyone - god the father, Jesus, Satan, you and I all included - are all familial relations; that god the father, Jesus, and the holy ghost are three separate gods rather than a weird singular trinity; or that man can become god; or that 'salvation' doesn't hinge on spiritual repentance (what the evangelical Christians would call 'being symbolically born again in spirit', but in repentance AND being obedient (with no emphasis on 'what' one is to be obedient to), etc.

Secondly, they claimed that their church is the only true church, the only one with complete information/instruction from god even though they know nothing of the dogma of Deism or Hinduism or Islam or Buddhism. How can one claim to have the only truth when one has yet to examine if not all then most of the different truth claims out there? And, like pretty much all the religious folks I've had the opportunity to chat with, there is a distinct blind spot when it comes to distinguishing their faith in what they themselves understood as 'god' from their faith in what other humans (in this case, the LDS prophets and the Book of Mormon) say 'god' says or wants.

Whenever I asked for their definition of 'god', all I ever got back is this standard, 'God is your father and he loves you,' line. It's nice and cozy, but really tells next to nothing about god, not nearly enough to help me form any sort of expectation out of this 'god' so that I would be able to tell for myself what sort of action or revelation could be reasonably attributed to 'god' and not to the men who have a knack for pretending to be god's mouthpiece. The sisters' only suggested remedy to that is the assertion that I could always 'pray to god and ask if such and such commands are really from him.' That doesn't do it for me, since they hadn't defined what their 'god' is in the first place, and just about the only description of god that I could allow as possible is a naturalistic one of 'nature itself or the most fundamental physical law that makes nature work the way it does.' And how does one pray to something like that?

We had a good and pleasant first visit, nonetheless. They gave me a free copy of the Book of Mormon and asked that I read the introduction part of it by the time they come back for another visit a week later. As we said our good-bye, the sisters made it a point to tell me before they leave that if I decide to check their church out online, I should only confine myself to their official website (www.mormon.org) as all the others are false and misleading (and that the weird people - evidently those polygamist ones - that others think are Mormons aren't Mormons at all... even though they claim to be ones).

Now, if that doesn't raise all sort of alarm flags going haywire in your head, you should immediately check the flagging system's batteries or switch to a more effective model. Mine was doing all sorts of acrobatic flipping, but being an arrogant push-over that I am, I thought I'd humor them for a week and refrain from reading anything about Mormonism at all except from that nice little BoM that they gave me. After all, Thomas Paine didn't need anything other than the Bible itself to turn him away from Christianity. Any book that is presented as coming straight from god ought to be able to stand or sink on its own merits and failings, right?

Mormon Encounters Series: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8,

Why I Don't Have A Religion 

Not Knowing Is Not A Sin 

Disclaimer: I won't publish the photos of my Mormon contacts, and all their names are pseudonyms fashioned by me to protect their identity.