Mormon Encounters: Part 8 - To Those Investigating the LDS Church/ Mormonism

Entire Mormon Encounters series:
Part 1: First meeting Aside 1, Aside 2
Part 2: Reading the Book of Mormon
Part 3: Going to Mormon Church
Part 4: Mormon Battalion & General Conference
Part 5: The Missionary Sisters
Part 6: A Talk Among Friends
Part 7: Adam and Free Agency
Part 8: To the Investigators
Part 9: To the Missionaries

So you were approached/contacted by a pair of charming young missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS or Mormon) and have agreed to have a discussion with them. Good for you! No, really. It is always wise to listen fairly to something before accepting or rejecting (or remaining undecided about) it. The trick, though, is to be sure do your own research, too, and to not limit yourselves to a single source of information.

The nice (and perhaps even cute) missionaries will likely have warned you against reading about Mormonism from non-church-approved sources online, using the rationale that 'no one knows about Mormonism better than Mormons'. At the same time, they will also have warned you against reading about their church from blog posts and articles by apostates, people who used to be Mormons but have renounced the religion, and by those Mormons who belong to other branches of Mormonism other than the big Salt Lake City-based LDS church... because none of those people are considered by the big Mormon church to be 'Mormons'. To this I say, there are always at least two sides to any human story, and anyone who would counsel you to only consider things from their singular point of view is more interested in controlling your thoughts than they are in  helping you find 'the truth'.

LDS Temple in San Diego, California.

I am not a Mormon, though I 'investigated' - to use the Mormons' own term - the church for a few months in 2011, and am still keeping in touch with some of the missionaries that I talked to. My missionary friends know about my blog and that I write about our encounters and discussions, though they are forbidden by mission rules to check it (or any other non-church-based websites) out until they are done with their mission. The fact that I mention them -though all names were changed to protect their identity- does not in any way imply their approval of anything I say. This is my blog, and I write things as I see it. I try to be as fair as possible, though that doesn't mean that BS should weigh as much as Angus sirloin steak should... you know what I mean.

First off, though, please be kind to the missionaries. The young Mormon boys are all expected to serve this two years missionary sentence when they turn 19, so many of these guys were pressured into it (not serving or finishing a mission is a pretty big stigma in their community, and a big impetus to their future dating scene since Mormon girls are strongly encouraged to date only returned missionaries). The young ladies (usually age 21-26) are true believers who really volunteered for the gig even without outside pressure, and they really think that they are doing us non-Mormons a huge favor in trying to educate us about 'the one and only true church'. They may get a bit pesky at times (try to live 18-24 months on their schedule and regulations and see if you wouldn't yourselves), but most of them sincerely mean well. That doesn't make what they do or say right, but good will is worth a bit of returned kindness, I think.

As someone investigating the Mormon church with the missionaries, there are a few things you need to look out for.

1. Always double check what your missionaries tell you by your own research. Most of the missionaries are good young men and women who wouldn't lie to you outright. Unfortunately they tend to have much less qualms about withholding vital information because they have been trained to give 'milk before meat' (meaning that they shouldn't tell you about the parts of their belief that might freak you out or cause you to doubt the truthfulness of their religion). If you are a Christian, know that when Mormons use a Christian-sounding word or refer to a Christian-sounding doctrine, they really mean something quite different with it than the mainstream Christians do. Even basic things like 'god' or 'plan of salvation' means quite a different thing to the Mormons than to just about any Christians. (I'm an atheist, tho I used to be a Christian. Thought I'd mention that because I do think a lot of Christians convert to Mormonism and quickly apostatize because they didn't realize how different the LDS dogma really is to the Christian dogma before joining the LDS church).

If you don't do your own independent research into the LDS church and its history and doctrines, you will miss out on some really fascinating Mormony things that the missionaries conveniently think unnecessary for you to know before you have been baptized and became a good tithe-paying member of their church.

As a side note, the missionaries I talked to had this strange notion that 'reading the Book of Mormon and then praying about it' constitutes all the 'research' needed to determine if the BoM is true (and therefore all the other religious dogmas false) or not. How can anyone humbly know that the other dogmas are false even though s/he had never studied any alternative in the first place? How can a person know if a song is the best song ever written if it is the only song they have ever heard? Is claiming to know what one can't possibly know really a sign of humility? Which is your priority; to be able to keep thinking that you know the truth or to actually find out if you know the truth or not?

2. Be aware that the LDS church has a long standing policy of discouraging its members from seeking outside information on the church's history and its own doctrines. Mormons who were 'born in covenant (BIC)' likely haven't heard of many weird Mormon practices and beliefs that seem almost common knowledge to those outside the church... because they were only ever exposed to the church's official version of its own histories, and were told that any contrary version that they may find from non-church sources are 'anti-' materials that Satan/the Opposition may try to use to seduce them away from the only true church. 

When 'god' doesn't look after his supposed prophets...

So if you ask them about things like the Adam-God Theory or the multiple versions of Joseph Smith's first vision story, or his 33 + polygamous and polyandrous (and quite a few underage) wives, or how he 'translated' a papyrus of the Egyptian funeral texts into the Book of Abraham (included in the Pearl of Great Price as one of the Mormon scriptures), or the lost 116 pages of the Book of Mormon, or the Kinderhook Plates hoax, or the Mountain Meadow Massacre, or the Mark Hoffmann and the Salamander Letter affair and bombings, or Blood Atonement, etc, etc, etc and don't get any real answer, don't take it too personally. Chances are that the kids have no idea about them themselves (though that won't stop many of them from attempting to defend the church regardless of their own ignorance of the issues), and their mission rules prohibits them from being able to research such problems for you.

No, I'm really not being paranoid. Look up and read the many blog posts by active missionaries online and see for yourselves how proselytizing Mormons think!

3. Never let yourself be pressured/nagged/pleaded/etc into making any commitment that you aren't ready to make. A wise man would never buy a car until he has had it checked with independent mechanics, had good looks under the hood as well as taken it out for a test spin, you shouldn't agree to bind yourself to anything (especially a church that would presume to lay a claim on you not only for the remainder of this life but in the next as well) before you have thoroughly checked it out either. 

As nice, pleasant, caring, etc, as the young men and women missionaries are to you now, be aware that they define 'friendship', among many other things, differently than most non-Mormons would. The way you are being pampered/treated right now is not going to continue once you have baptized into their church or have made it clear that you will not convert to their religion (in the latter case, prepare yourself for the infamous Mormon shunning). In fact, if you have walked into a car dealership to browse their inventory, then you probably have experienced something very similar to your missionary discussions: the salesmen love you too much too soon, and don't waste any time at all before assuming that you will buy their car... now... today! The tactics are very much the same, though the difference is that the car salesmen won't take it personally if you say no.

Missionaries get moved around every few months, so your missionary 'friends' will soon be transferred elsewhere to recommence their love-bombing on other investigators/church-prospects. Don't get attached! Everything they say to you today, they say to others, too. Once the missionaries had been transferred elsewhere they either can't or won't keep in touch with you, at least until they are done with their mission (they are only allowed to write snail mail to 'friends' one day a week. And their one relatively free day each week is quickly spent cleaning and grocery shopping and doing other things. Emails are only reserved for immediate family members and other missionaries. And they are only allowed to call home twice a year on Mother's Day and Christmas). 

If, in this pre-honeymoon investigating period the nice misshies and church members are already imposing demands on you (no matter how nicely they put them) like pressing you to say a prayer or to make commitment to live the 'Words of Wisdom' or the 'Law of Chastity' or to make baptism date before you are ready (like, you know, after having only had 2 discussions with you), imagine how much worse it will get for you once you are 'one of them' (for your own sanity, learn to say no before all those endless church callings and activities start coming your way!). Read what the ex-Mormons have to say online. There's got to be a reason why the LDS church has such an abysmal membership-retention rate. It might seem sensible that the car salesmen would 'know best' about the cars they're selling, but would you really buy a car without first checking out what the independent consumers' report or the customers reviews say first? Why should it be any different when it comes to religion?

4. Privacy isn't something Mormon missionaries are familiar with, especially if they were born and raised Mormons. What notion of privacy they had, their Missionary Training Center (MTC) had bleached it out of them by the time they got to your door. So don't share private information that you don't want anyone not in the room to know. The missionaries are keeping log of all their contacts with you along with noting information you shared and how they think you are progressing. They report this to their Mission President (MP) and their Zone Leader every week, and the log book with your info/stat in it is kept at the local ward since your missionary pairings get shuffled every 6 weeks or so... So what you think you are only sharing with the two you are meeting with is fair game to their successors, their mission president(s), and to the ward bishop and others, too.

Also, if you keep in touch with them via snail or email... those aren't safe either. Missionaries are trained to share everything with their companion (and even to confess to their MP during interviews). If you want to share private thoughts with them, better hang on to them until after they have been released from their mission. True friendships surely can wait at least that long.

While we're talking privacy; if you live in a gated apartment or housing complex that requires entry code, please do not give the code to the missionaries! I know it is a bit inconvenient to have to go out and get them in every time they come to visit, but it'll really save your innocent neighbors a lot of unwanted solicitation. Remember, what information you give the particularly nice and seemingly courteous pair of missionaries you are currently talking to does not just stay with them. The missionaries rarely get to stay in one area for longer than a couple of months, and their replacements may or may not live up to the current ones' ethical standard.

5. What to read: I know, the missionaries wants you to only read the Book of Mormon and the various LDS-approved pamphlets they give you. But if the stories the Mormons tell are true, then they shouldn't be vulnerable to critical research, should they? People who have nothing to hide don't mind background check. It's those who have icky skeletons in their closets that do. Aside from the Mormon scriptures (which are all available for free online at lds.org), there are some really instructive and informative books about Mormonism and its founder - Joseph Smith - that you should really check out. I'd recommend Fawn M Brodie's No Man Knows My History for a starter. It is the closest thing to the definitive biography of Joseph Smith and Mormonism there is. Mormonthink website also contains well-balanced discussion of Mormonism's problematic theology and history.

Thinking makes my head hurt, but I like the alternative worse.

Truth is truth regardless of how one feels about it, and the same goes for untruths. There are true things in life that don't make you feel nice and comfy, and there are untrue things that do. If feelings and/or emotions are good judging instrument of truth, then what's with all the broken romances and friendships everyone experience (hopefully) multiple times in our lives? Aside from all the historical and doctrinal issues, there are a few fundamental questions you should ask yourselves while considering joining any religion and/or belief system:

1. What would you define as 'god', and how can you tell if this god exist?

2. If god exist, does it necessarily validate any one church’s position or claim to its authority?

3. If god exists but is immoral (it commands immoral actions like deception, misdirection, theft, murder, etc, etc, etc from its believers), would I still worship it? In other words, do I worship a god because I fear what it can and will do to me if I resist, or do I worship a god because I deem it worthy of my admiration?

You are the only person who can answer these questions. Beware of anyone who would presume to answer them for you.

Mormon Encounters Series: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9.

Why I Don't Have A Religion
Search, Ponder, Pray series by post-Mormon Dad's Primal Scream.

Mormon Encounters: Part 7 - Adam & Free Agency?

My Mormon Encounters saga continues...

Part 1: First Meeting

Part 2: Reading the Book of Mormon 

Part 3: Going to Mormon Church

Part 4: Mormon Battalion & General Conference

Part 5: The Missionary Sisters

Part 6: A Talk Among Friends

Part 7: Adam and Free Agency
Part 8: To the Investigators
Part 9: To the Missionaries

I meant to write a few post this past month but time flies whether one is having fun or not, I found. I had resettled closer to downtown San Diego with a friend, a dog, and a lot of projects. My work keeps me on the computer most of the time, though every now and then I also get to do something a bit more calorie-chewing... And we all need that especially after all the holiday feasts of November and December!

Relocating, of course, means no more Mormon visit to the Smorgabode, though I still keep in touch with a few favorite missionaries (I know I'll get into trouble with this, but then a trouble-free life would be so boring!). A couple of weeks ago Sister Begeistert and her new companion Sister Blondchen gave me another tour of the Mormon Battalion Museum when I dropped by to dump some farmers' market bounty off on them (missionaries are dead useful in helping destroying evidence when you succumbed to a bout of gluttony and bought too much food to fit in the fridge!). We got to talking religion again, of course (that's the downside of hanging with active misshies... they're always on the church's clock!).

Mormon Battalion Memorial on top of Presidio Hill

I'm afraid we didn't progress much. They were trying to tell me about the Mormon interpretation of the Adam & Eve story, and how god is evidently more merciful than Satan because 'he knew what Adam would do before hand but allowed him the 'free agency' to do it (disobeying and eating the forbidden fruit), whereas Satan would have forced Adam (and the rest of us) to only obey, and also in fixing it so that the result of Adam's disobedience was that man became mortal and could now 'learn' and 'progress''. It sounded rather nice and cheery (it helped that the sisters seemed genuinely uplifted by it), but being a killjoy that I can often be, I thought it over and decided that the story didn't seem to say what my patient missionaries thought it said at all.

First off, how can there be any free agency (Mormonese for 'free will') if god can unerringly know everyone's future action? If god knew that I would bring the sisters some blackberries that day, then instead I decided to live up to my moniker and smorg up all the blackberries myself, then I would have retroactively proven god wrong now, wouldn't I? So you really can't have it both way; either there is free will/agency and god doesn't know our future decisions, or there is no free will and god knows the future. The way the sisters interpreted the story didn't support the concept of free will at all, but predestination.

I find it more comforting that these kids chose, of their own free will, to donate their blood to help others rather than that their action was predestined. After all, the implication of predestination is that one is not accountable for one's action... since one couldn't have chosen to do otherwise.

Sister Blondchen tried to posit that god only knows what would happen but he didn't necessarily plan the event out, so somehow free will could still be operating (Ah! The stance softens... She was now not so certain and was doing more damage control than aggressive assertion. Progress!). The question that begged, of course, was who or what, then, controls our destiny now that god isn't so in charge but is more of a bystander??? Luckily the sisters then realized that they had found themselves in a hole and prudently stopped digging... and changed the subject.

My second problem had to do with this idea that god showed wisdom and mercy in penalizing Adam's disobedience by doing him and mankind the great favor of allowing us to die and suffer (in so doing enabling us to 'learn' new things... this little nugget comes from the Book of Moses in The Pearl of Great Price, I think). I would agree that being mortal is a major plus. I shouldn't wish to live so long that I become tired and bored with living! The setting up of this so that Adam had to do a 'bad' thing of disobeying in order for good thing (mortality and spiritual progress) to become available for man bugged me, however. Why would a god purposefully set Adam up to fail and then deigned to chastise him for fulfilling god's plan when he did? And why reward bad behavior? Wouldn't it have been more moral-building to set this up so that good thing can happen only if Adam had chosen to do 'the right thing'?


Don't get me wrong, I have very little tolerance for obedience just for obedience's sake, but the way this story is told to me made it quite clear that obedience is the desirable virtue and that Adam had goofed when he ate the fruit. So... I had a hard time understanding why the Mormons should find this tale so faith-building (even though I am, by now, quite familiar with this religion's running theme of 'the end justifying the means'). It seemed to me that the morals of the story go against both the notion of free agency and the idea of a just god or the virtue of obedience!

Needless to say, this meeting didn't lead me any closer to accepting the Mormons' idea of god. Ultimately, after having asked oneself the questions 'what is god and what, if it exist, is god like?' one also has to ask, 'if there is a god but it is immoral, would I still submit myself to it?'. Do people worship an idea of god because they are afraid of what god can and will do to them if they refuse, or do they worship a god because it is worth worshiping?



A good sport as she always is, Sister Begeistert actually thanked me as we parted for 'making her think again'. Sister Blondchen was harder to read, though I thought she became more a Constanze than a Blond as our meeting came to a close. Was that an improvement? I don't know. Have a look/listen to a marvelous Constanze and see! 

Mormon Encounters Series: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9.

Why I Don't Have A Religion

Mormon Encounters: Part 6 - A Talk Among Friends

Entire Mormon Encounters series: 
Part 1: First meeting       Aside 1, Aside 2 

Part 2: Reading the Book of Mormon
Part 3: Going to Mormon Church

Part 4: Mormon Battalion & General Conference
Part 5: The Missionary Sisters
Part 6: A Talk Among Friends
Part 7: Adam & Free Agency
Part 8: To the Investigators
Part 9: To the Missionaries

I had a bunch of visitors yesterday. My Mormon missionary friends Sisters Begeistert & Sanftmütig came over for a late lunch visit. Since all of us were a bit sick with something or the other we had fried rice with a hot and spicy bowl of tom yum chicken soup which cleared our sinuses out like a super-concentrated tub of Drano.

The Sisters have really became good friends in such a short time. Last week when I was sick with the flu (well, if felt very much like a flu then, but has since moved down to settle somewhere down my throat, so I guess it should now be called a bronchitis) they turned up in the rain -- and one of them didn't even have a rainproof coat or umbrella on -- on Friday evening just to bring me a big and very yummy bowl of chicken soup! 

In case any senior Mormon missionary supervisor come across this, as much fun as we three have during these visits, the sisters aren't neglecting their proselytizing duty any. Any lack of progress should be attributed solely to devious me. I keep distracting them with jokes left, right and center, and once all the laughing is done there just isn't much time for them to concentrate on what they were planning to say.

To illustrate to you what a poor communicator I've been, the last time they were here Sister Begeistert asked me again to explain exactly why I fell out of Christianity and why I am finding it so difficult to accept the Mormon truth. I told them about resolving to read the Bible without the mindset to will everything to fit to the church dogma, and finding that the only fitting explanation of all my troubles with dogma was that it (the dogma) was wrong. The sisters had a hard time understanding that, though, so I told them of one of the problems I ran into once I've had that paradigm shift: the problem of Abraham obeying god's command to sacrifice his only son, Isaac. 

Christians are taught to admire Abraham's faith in that episode; it is supposed to be an inspirational thing, something we all should aspire to emulate, that when god commands one to do something, even something as hard to do as killing our own innocent son, Abraham resolved to carry out the commandment without brooding any question. In this Biblical episode god intervenes just as Abraham's knife is about to come down on Isaac; the latter is allowed to live and Abraham is rewarded for his 'faith'. There is a similar story in the Book of Mormon, however, and it is an often cited one that is supposed to be taken in the same spirit that the Christians take the Abraham-Isaac version, it is the story of how Nephi (the first one as there are three different Nephis in the BoM) was commanded by god to kill the abusive Laban, as the latter laid unarmed and unconscious on the floor. Unlike Isaac, Laban is not spared and the killing is justified as sacrificing one to save many.

The sisters were well familiar with those stories, though they were rather shocked to hear what I told them next: "I read the story of Abraham and Isaac again, and paused to ask myself; if god turns up in my living room right now, indisputably god, and commands me to kill someone, would I do it?"

Rembrandt's The Sacrifice of Isaac

After a few uncomfortable minutes I broke the impromptu bout of silence with the only moral answer that I could think of; "I'd just tell god to go to hell." 

Sister Begeistert was too stunned by such a thought to say anything, though Sister Sanftmütig had a go; "You wouldn't, even if circumstances arise where the choice is either for one man to die or for whole nation to perish? (that is the justification that the supposed holy ghost presents to Nephi #1 as he tries to evade having to carry out such a godly commandment)." 

But what was the justification for killing Isaac? Considering that Abraham wasn't given any reason, and had no foreknowledge that god would stop him at the last minute. What if 'god' commands the sister to kill her own innocent brother? The Christians -- me included when I was one -- applauded and admired Abraham precisely for having the 'faith' necessary to follow god's command regardless of its atrocity and mercilessly irrational nature. And the Mormons do the same whenever the story of Nephi #1 and Laban turns up in ward meetings and lessons (Sunday church services). And even if the 'justification' of 'better one man than a whole lot more' be valid, I'm sure a god that had created everything in the universe from the smallest pebbles to the thinking human beings is competent enough to do the deed itself if it so chooses. I have more respect for murderers than I do the people who order others to murder for them. 

Many of the religious folks like to claim that atheists like me are immoral precisely because we don't believe in god (as the religions define it), and yet here is The God commanding an immoral commandment. (By the way, does god ever tempt people or not? In the Abraham-Isaac episode it sure did; god did, and not the devil... or so says the Bible).

Just imagining myself praising a sadistic god while suffering for my morality.

For me it comes down to three possibilities: there is no god; or there may be a god, but it doesn't have anything at all to do with what is said about it in religious texts like the Bible or the BoM; or there indeed is an immoral god who do order such things as this, in which case I say it can just make me drink the Kool Aid or throw me into its bubbling cauldron for the rest of eternity but there is no way I'll subordinate myself to a sh*tty murderous lump of cosmic bully like that. If I have to believe in a god, I wish for the former, though various Christians and Mormon missionaries keep trying to wish the latter on me.

Naturally the sisters were rather distraught. If I didn't seem a lost cause for them before I sure was looking, sounding, and smelling like one. Sister Begeistert was especially down (and probably more than a bit confused). She really wants to give this happiness she feels -and attributes to her faith- to me, and I was rather nonplussed at myself for somehow not managing to be obviously happy enough to not need such a thing. I know my atheist friends will give me hell for this, but I told her that she could just keep trying with her proselytizing attempts. The lass is such fun and pleasant to hang around with that that extra baggage of always having to talk about religion doesn't bother me that much... yet.

Mormon Encounters Series: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9.

Why I Don't Have A Religion

Mormon Encounters: Part 5 - The Missionary Sisters

Entire Mormon Encounters series: 
Part 1: First meeting       Aside 1, Aside 2 

Part 2: Reading the Book of Mormon
Part 3: Going to Mormon Church

Part 4: Mormon Battalion & General Conference
Part 5: The Missionary Sisters
Part 6: A Talk Among Friends
Part 7: Adam & Free Agency
Part 8: To the Investigators
Part 9: To the Missionaries

Last week was especially hectic for me since I had an extra work that needed to be done by a fast-approaching deadline. I stayed up late into the night with it and spent a lot of time in a zombic state with nothing in my head but a whole lot of math work. That was such a case on Thursday evening. I was bent over a notebook, so intent on working out the equations on the computer screen that I barely registered the strange giggling sound waffling in through the window from the terrace below.

Lord Voldemort kept his soul in a locket, a book, a cup and other things. I keep my brain in a hippo...

Quick! What is the sum of the interior angles of an octagon? Scattered scratches on the window. More giggles. Impish neighborhood kids! Got the angles sum, now have to subtract from it the known angles to find the unknown one. More pebbles skipping off window followed by more giggling. Is somebody shushing out my name from outside? What the heck??? I'm supposed to be a curious cat after all. Got up and peeked out through the blind. Lo and behold! The Mormon missionary ladies were downstairs, all bent over waving and giggling in the dark!

Sisters Sanftmütig and Begeistert are the names I had bestowed upon the merry twosome without their consent (though I suspect that they would be much less thrilled if their real names were used instead). Neither were the original missionaries who approached me as I walked the roommate's dog nearly 2 months ago. The nimble Sister Wendig was shipped off elsewhere after just one meeting and replaced by the quietly mild-mannered Sisters Sanftmütig. I'm afraid Wendig is not quite a right name for her. I ran into her at the Mormon Battalion on the 1st of October and now think that Nächstenliebe would be a more fitting moniker for the good lass.

After a few weeks steady Sister Stetig also got moved to another part of town. In her place now is the exceedingly enthusiastic Sister Begeistert. As much as I liked Sister Stetig, I must say that Sister Begeistert is quite more fascinating and easier a person to hang out with -- especially for her rather strange habit talking to me in dreams. And so, for the past month or so it has been the pairing of Sisters Sanftmütig and Begeistert who drop in to see me once a week, twice if we have church date. (Mormon missionaries always travel in pair. Their rules dictate that they never let their Siamese twin companion out of sight except when either is using the restroom, in which case the other is expected to stand guard at the restroom door).


The LDS Mission seems to break up the missionary pairs every 2 months or so, so I guess I'm expecting Sister Sanftmütig to be replaced soon. That would be quite sad... I really like the lass. For a theatrical artist that she is in real life, she has been so restrained and respectable as a missionary. Not that artists aren't respectable, of course, but they don't usually voluntarily confine themselves into set rules and convention either. From what I've seen and inferred so far, the Mormon church is nothing if not rules-fanatic. The detailed rules may vary a bit in various LDS (Latter-Day Saints) missions, but the general ones seem the same.

('Mission call' is another of the many curious Mormon mislabeling of things. They talk about being 'called to serve a mission', but the fact is that they themselves had to send in a mission application asking to serve. So in reality it is they that called themselves and not the church. This is the same sort of thing as the notion that Brigham Young's god connection protected the Mormon Battalion from having to fight the Mexican-American War when in fact it was the battalion's lateness that made them miss all the fighting).

Even though I'm not a Mormon, having hung out with them for a few months has made it clear to me that obeying rules and commandments is a big part of the Mormon lifestyle in general. With the missionaries, though, they go the extra marathon with it.

An excerpt from Elder Don R Clarke's recent speech about missionaries at the LDS Church News.

Many of the missionary rules seem sensible enough (including safety-oriented ones like obeying the laws or tactful ones like respecting other religions), but many more are confoundingly tedious to the point where they betray explicit mistrust of the missionaries' judgment. So the LDS church trusts these young men and women to know the 'gospel' and be able to accurately communicate it to others, but it doesn't trust them to be able to maintain their devotion and church commitment without being nearly completely cut off from all non-church-based communication (no tv, radio, newspaper or any non church reading material, no call home except for Christmas and Mother's Day, can only write to immediate family once a week and nobody else, etc), or to know what to eat and when to go to bed? That is a strange message to send to investigators...

Anyhow! I had forgotten that the sisters said they would come back to see me after their evening appointments to give me the answer to a question I had asked earlier. It was well after 8PM, though, so I sprinted right downstairs to see them because I knew that they were supposed to be back at their living quarters by 9PM at night. It could be considered almost rebellious that these gals stopped by to see a gentile (what the Mormons call all non-Mormons, even if they are Christians) so late in the day with their curfew looming in less than 25 minutes. I told them they had better scoot and not get in trouble on my account, but they replied that they would only be in trouble with themselves if they break the curfew... So it seems many of the rules are self-enforced. Discipline is a good quality to me, as long as it is voluntarily self-imposed and not a cultural imposition upon individuality. I was very glad to hear that the sisters still retain enough spiritual independence to not follow rules just for the sake of following them.

Taken from Mormon.org... what is written on and between the line? Why must intelligence be guided by 'faith'? (It makes as much sense to me as to say that the hen coop must be watched over by a fox).

When meetings started back in September the sisters would show up with a preplanned 'lesson'. I don't know if those first few lessons were anomalies or if they were the standard operational model for them, but if they were they were quite thrown off track by my many unorthodox questions. I suppose they would have been quite well prepared to defend their dogma against the usual problems that Christians have against their religion (all the while maintaining that their religions were the same, but with improvement, so to speak). But I was asking them to define what they meant when they referred to a 'god', and why such a god would have need of using certain humans as 'prophets' instead of communicating directly to everyone. Invariably their answers would be 'God is our Heavenly Father, and he loves all of us including you,' and that 'the prophets are tools for God to communicate church-wide messages that aren't meant for individuals.'

It doesn't matter if it is Sister Stetig or Wendig or Sanftmütig or Begeistert or even Sister Garten (the Elina Garanca-look-alike sister trainer who accompanies the usual pair of sisters once a month or so) I asked the questions to, they always answer the same way, in near verbatim, every time. 

I should say, though, that I really like my current pair of missionary sisters. Both being artistic in real life, they are quite more tolerant of my rules-lessness than some others. After a couple of meetings with these two our 'discussions' have become decidedly informal. Not only do they insist on helping me wash the dishes after our lunch, a few weeks ago they actually cooked the lunch for me when they turned up on time for our appointment for the first time ever (I had taken it for granted by then that the Mormon missionary clock perpetually runs 20-30 minutes late except for church services). Sister Sanftmütig took command of the stove and churned out her first ever oriental lunch, a beautiful wok of fried rice, while Sister Begeistert helped with the garnish and most of the after lunch clean up.

If you are expecting a pair of Mormon missionaries for lunch or dinner, there are a few dietary requirements they feel they have to comply to. They won't drink coffee, tea, alcohol, or any other beverage that has caffeine in it. Surprisingly hot cocoa is allowed -- I suspect because they don't realize that the theobromine in cocoa beans is a close relative of caffeine and has similar though milder stimulative effects (narcotics and tobacco are also banned by the LDS church). When the sisters visit with me they drink mostly water or lemonade or clear caffeine-free lemony soda.

At any rate, both sisters are in their early to mid 20's and very idealistic. Sister Begeistert told me she was born into Mormonism, though 'didn't really have a testimony' (she had doubts about the Mormon faith) until she decided to serve a mission after spending some time doing volunteer works in a remote part of Africa. I really love it when she talks about her experience there. I've had fascinations about British East Africa ever since I read Beryl Markham's West With the Night (it is one of my all time favorite books), and would love to visit the place one day myself. Like the other sisters when they are about to talk their way out of their dogma, though, her sense of theological rationalization would kick in and she would try to tie whatever she is saying into something testimony/faith-strengthening. In this particular case, she blurted out that helping teaching English to the African kids made her realize that she should serve a mission because 'teaching them the gospel is the best thing I can do to help them, better than teaching them how to read or write, even.'

Naturally I was alarmed by the sentiment. I greatly admire her selfless goodwill toward others, but teaching the kids how to read and write would enable them to read for themselves the Book of Mormon, along with other mind-stimulating books which would free them from having to always take other people's words for things.

I should also mention, though, that even though both sisters are in the midst of a very unnaturally church-oriented period of their lives, I find it remarkable that they remain receptive of the concept of following their conscience above all else. They have not tried to pressure me into making more commitment or to say any prayer with them ever since I made my protest on ground of personal integrity. They respect my sense of spiritual integrity even though I'm reasonably sure that their trainer/mission senior wouldn't be thrilled with that sort of courtesy.

In the constant atmosphere of passive-aggressive social pressure to toe-the-prophet/church-leaders'-line that definitely exists in their church (certain things are more easily perceived when viewed from the outside), I hope that they would be able to keep exercising their 'free agency' (Mormonese for 'free will') even when pushed to do or say things that don't sit well with their conscience.

If you would like to know how the Mormon missionaries think, don't take my words for it. Many active missionaries actually keep blogs! Proselytizing missionaries (the young pairs that go out trying to teach people their gospel rather than the older ones who man the Mormon churches and historical sites) work six days a week. The one free day (they call it 'prep-day' or 'p-day' for preparation) they have each week is reserved for cleaning, shopping, and writing to their immediate family (they aren't allowed to write any other aside from their mission seniors. And they are only allowed to use their church email and can only access church sites). A few of these guys and gals email their family, who then post the missive on their blog for them.

My missionary sisters wouldn't approve, but I've had much fun reading through many missionary blogs -- the ones serving in the area and others serving elsewhere. Like it or not, the thoughts they dispatch home help me to better understand where they are coming from (along with the strategies they are apt to use, of course)... along with driving home for me what Karl Marx must have thought of when he wrote that 'religion is opium for the people' (Die Religion ... ist das Opium des Volkes).

I am liking the Mormons a lot, but the more I look into it, the more Mormonism repulses me. Even these nice and obviously well-meaning missionaries are showing signs of a serious case of mis-prioritization when the well-being and/or spiritual integrity of the people they are trying to convert runs up against church practice. Have a look at Sister Christensen's description of a baptism she recently witnessed. (Sister missionaries aren't holder of the Mormon priesthood, and though they were the ones who successfully converted you, they have to step aside to let the boys do the actual rituals like baptism as they watch).

"she was baptized. to say the least, it was one of the most uncomfortable baptisms i've ever had to watch, and i was reeeeeeeally nervous she was going to back out because she just COULDN'T GET ALL THE WAY UNDER.. but she didn't. she finally got all the way down. ................... huge sigh of relief from EVERYONE present. but seriously. (she's way afraid of water... and to add to that she can't lean back because of a surgery she had... so she was literally ON HER KNEES and president was literally trying to push her under the water and she was blowing bubbles and almost crying...oh my gosh. BUT!!!! SHE DID IT!!!! hahha. and afterwards she shared her testimony (i did'nt think she'd do that either!) and it was more like a prayer, but it was so sweet! and she said that she just felt sooo different and so happy and she couldn't stop crying." (christensen missionaries blog) 

The end justifies the means? The lady has hydrophobia and a seriously bad back, and yet these people were so bent on baptizing her with water that they nearly ended up waterboarding the gal... I'm sure the good sister and her colleagues present justified the act to themselves with the thought that water baptism is absolutely necessary in 'saving' someone's soul. But what would that really say about a religion that values literal application of rituals over someone's inner spirituality? I can get baptized 10 times tomorrow, but if I still don't believe, then what of it all??? It's the same deal as when I was pushed to say prayers in order for the praying habit to somehow grow into faith. If a doctrine is not worth believing in, then there is no virtue in trying to force a square idea into a round reality!

From another missionary sister's blog:

"Martha and Jacob dropped us. =( We were both kind of crying. She did it over phone so we made one final appointment and went in with our guns blazing. We told her exactly what we're offering, and she knows it. She said she would go to church one more time, and that she likes the Book of Mormon. The reason she dropped us was her husband and his anti-Mormon family. It’s not over yet, we're not going to give up on her, just give her some time to see her life without the Gospel." 

And yet another's:

"Sister Panga came out of her house holding the Book of Mormon and the restoration pamphlet. She explained that she and her husband had been fighting and that she wanted to work it out with him. She explained that he did not approve of her listening anymore. Our hearts just dropped. Our last visit she had been asking questions and told us she had talked to her husband. He had met us on a pjeepney before and said it was okay for us to visit. I just thought what had changed in those few short days. She wanted to give back the Book of Mormon. We testified. No change she insisted that we take the book back, because her husband told her to. She was kind about it and asked us to respect her decision. Sister Canoneo told her she could hide the Book of Mormon. Sister Panga was afraid if she kept the book that her husband would find it and be angry. We testified that one day her husband's heart would change and if ever that happened not to be shy to give us a call. Sister Panga did this in a very dignified manner and we were not annoyed or mad that she gave us back the Book of Mormon, but rather saddened and our hearts hurt. Walking away we just sang at the same time "magpadayon ta!" (we will continue) and laughed. The storms of the mission can either get you down or lift you up. I'ts a choice and we decided to count our blessings rather look at the disappointments."

(Apologies for the length of the quotes, but I wanted to make sure you can read them in their original context).

These aren't isolated incidents but illustrate a recurring theme which I hope sufficiently explains my perception of a relatively subtle strain of snobbiness amongst many Mormons (and Christians and other religious zealots, for that matter). They regard themselves as people who know 'the truth', and gentiles as those who remain ignorant of it. Therefore they know better, and a gentile's decision to reject their dogma will not be received as credible. The church must be prioritized over everything, family included (note how one of the missionaries even tried to get the investigator (Sister Panga) to sneak the religious book into the house to read on the sly behind her husband's back. Suggestions like this makes it hard for me to dismiss the many stories I've heard from reading posts and articles by ex-Mormons who complain of the church's interferences in their family life.

When the missionaries say that they gave a 'testimony' or 'testified', that means that they made more assertions about them knowing the BoM and Joseph Smith and the LDS Church to be true. It is one of the most annoying things that they all do when they are trying to convert you and have ran out of any logically coherent thing to say. They will repeat the testimonies to you over and over as if their ability to be exceedingly repetitive constitutes positive and unquestionable empirical evidence of their religion's truthfulness.

The missionaries may lay off on you for a bit, but quitting on you altogether isn't quite likely... because they know 'the truth' and really want to save you regardless of what you think. This is one of the things that irritates me the most about religions -- it gives its zealots a free pass to disrespect other people's decision and space, and sometimes to do some really unholy stuff in the name of a god, a cause 'greater' than themselves. Granted the intention is good, but as a wise saying goes; 'the road to hell is often paved with good intention.'

And that brings another of my favorite quotes to mind;

"The urge to save humanity is almost always only a false face for the urge to rule it."
(H.L. Mencken)

(As a side note, there really ought to be a study done on how many of the people who 'drop' their missionaries say that they are only dropping out because their spouse wouldn't allow further contact. What a convenient excuse! And the spouse is almost never there to confirm or deny it!).

Frankly I would really love it if Sisters Begeistert and Sanftmütig (and also Sister Garten, for that matter) will remain friends with me even after they are done with their mission and even though they fail to convert me to their religion. I know that there is a constant social pressure on them and other Mormons to not socialize much with non-Mormons who aren't likely to convert and with ex-Mormons (whom they call 'apostates'). To be sure, this sort of 'only associate with others who share your own belief' mentality also exists in other religions. I had my fair share of such thing preached to me in Baptist and Evangelical Christian churches, though I never managed to follow it very well even when I was a strong believer. With the Mormons, though, it is quite much more heavily emphasized. As for me, my investigation (so to speak, since the Mormons refer to me as an 'investigator') into Mormonism ends when I relocate next month or when both of the current sisters get transferred elsewhere, whichever comes first.

Mormon Encounters Series: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9.

Why I Don't Have A Religion

Mormon Encounters: Part 4 - Mormon Battalion Museum & General Conference

Entire Mormon Encounters series: 
Part 1: First meeting       Aside 1, Aside 2 

Part 2: Reading the Book of Mormon
Part 3: Going to Mormon Church

Part 4: Mormon Battalion & General Conference
Part 5: The Missionary Sisters
Part 6: A Talk Among Friends
Part 7: Adam & Free Agency
Part 8: To the Investigators
Part 9: To the Missionaries

The first weekend of October saw this year's 2nd General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Apparently this biannual event is a big deal to the Mormons. The missionary sisters hold their top level church leaders in such high esteem that not even the Superbowl would excite them as much as getting sit in front of the television to watch these revered old men (and one woman, the president of the church's Relief Society) speak to them about what god supposedly wants from their lives.

Being quite fascinated by their overwhelming adoration I decided to catch a bit of the GC Saturday morning broadcast online before heading uptown. It was quite interesting... for a while (there is only so many 'Obey the prophet! Be obedient!' I could take in any one sitting). The most revealing of the speeches I caught live was this one by Elder L Whitney Clayton... This church is nothing if not ambitious.

You can watch, listen, and/or read all the speeches here (I wouldn't just read the text transcripts without watching the videos, though, I've read several complaints by ex-Mormons about how portions of the talks that don't go over well with the general public have a way of failing to show up in the transcript). The active Mormons I've talked to afterward uniformly loved all of it and thought all the speeches were inspiring. Being an outsider heathen that I am, I wonder if they aren't all afflicted by church-induced Stockholm Syndrome. Boyd Packer frankly alarmed me no less than Whitney Clayton did, and Packer is next in line to become the church's president/prophet/seer/revelator after the relatively more easy going Thomas Monson. (It is a bit weird, thinking about it, how my missionary sisters all think that the church's presidency is divinely chosen considering how the post always passes onto the most senior member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles).

Saturday afternoon was even more interesting. I caught the bus up to Old Town State Park and walked around checking out the arts fair before dropping in to the Mormon Battalion there to see my proselyting sisters (they had invited me round for a free tour of the historical site). You know, supposedly most of the Mormon missionaries are elders (men), but somehow I am perpetually surrounded by cute missionary sisters instead. Is that lucky? I don't know... Of course, hanging out with cute and nice ladies who aren't talking about craft, makeup, clothes, or men (except for the late Joseph Smith Jr) is a decidedly pleasant proposition. The downsides, of course, are that they are practically nuns (no misbehavior allowed!) and utterly devout, having volunteered to do this missionary thingy out of their own religious conviction rather than from peer/social pressure like many of their male counterparts were subjected to.

Mormon Battalion in Old Town San Diego (Oct2011)

Located on the east side of Juan St just north of Heritage Row, the Mormon Battalion is actually owned and operated by the LDS Church rather than Old Town State Park. It is a well-kept building with lots of historical artifacts and a state-of-the-art video projection wizardry that would wow even non-religious skeptics like me during the guided tour. There are pseudo-interactive talking pictures on the walls, and well blended in movie screens in each room as visitors are guided through the events of 1846 when Brigham Young (the LDS church's then president/seer/prophet) compelled over 500 Mormons to volunteer to fight for the US Army during the Mexican-American War. 

The story is told in such unabashedly pro-church manner that I found myself almost indecently amused while listening to it. Whoever wrote the script evidently tried his best to present the church and its then leader, Brigham Young, in a highly favorable light, but group-thinking undermined his ability to accurately gauge his non-Mormon audience, making the propaganda so painfully obvious that I saw nothing but overt abuse of power from the LDS church leaders. 

Statue in front of the Mormon Battalion

According to the film, in 1846 the much prosecuted Mormons (yes, they were rather unfairly prosecuted and picked on by the over-reactive Christians back then) were encamped in Council Bluffs, Iowa trying to find a way to fund their emigration to the 'promise land' somewhere out west. They had a legitimate complaint against the US government's prosecution of their religion (nobody liked polygamists then... or now, even), and when the US Army sent Capt. Allen to the camp to ask for volunteers to march southwest to San Diego to help the United States fight against Mexico he found no taker whatsoever. 

The army's offer of money and arms caught Brigham Young's attention, though, so the prophet went about with Capt. Allen and told his flocks that this army enlisting opportunity was "god's will" that will provide the Mormons with enough cash to fund their trek west. With the prophet coming down on the side of the army and promising that they wouldn't have to use their weapon at all even though they were heading to war (the missionary sister who did the tour-guiding actually further clarified that god had promised the volunteers 'safety'), over 500 able Mormon bodies enlisted. They marched through the unforgiving terrain and forced a wagon trail all the way to the Pacific Coast. A few died of sickness along the way, and attachments of the sicks were diverted to rehabilitate in Pueblo, Colorado. The 1,900 miles trek took so long that the Mormons missed all the battles with the Mexican and arrived to San Diego after the end of the war. The only things they got to shoot at were a bunch of wild bulls that threatened to run over their camp along the way. 

A missionary sister (left, in costume) gives a guided tour of the Mormon Battalion. She spent much of the tour talking to pseudo-interactive talking pictures and window-like movie screens.

The morals of the day; Brigham Young promised 'safety' and that was delivered because they never had to fight the Mexican (never mind that a few did die during the trek), the journey was obviously god's plan because the financial gain from army payment and the irrigation skills the troops learned from the Southwestern Indians they met along the way allowed the Mormons to move into and successfully populate the modern day Utah. God protected the Mormons, and if you want to hear more about what this church is about and how you, too, can know god, don't forget to fill out this comment form here with your name and contact information. And, while you're at it, why don't you also put down the contact information of a few other friends who might like to hear from us, too?

Yes, precisely...

My two missionary sisters accompanied me through the tour and seemed to find the whole presentation uplifting and reassuring to their faith. The whole thing was obviously meant to cast the best of light on their organization, but I only found the church and its then leader, Brigham Young, to be quite obnoxiously exploitative toward its own membership. It is amazing to me that it is the church's own idea to give 'financial gain to fund the church's trek west' as the main reason Brigham Young used to justify compelling his followers to 'volunteer' against their initial will to join the army to fight against the Mexican. Since when is self-interest more admirable than patriotism?

And when the Mormon women raised their concern about the trip, the good prophet saw fit to sooth their fear by promising something he had no mean of delivering -- safety. That the Mormon Battalion got all the way to the San Diegan Coast without having to shoot anyone had a lot more to do with the Mormon men hem and hawing so long before finally joining rather than any special godly connection Brigham Young might have had. It was their lateness that saved them from having to fight any battle.

Of course, there also is this matter of the church rendering aid to the US government in an army recruitment... (did I already mention that this church-state interference was done to serve the church's own interest?). It may not bother my supposedly staunchly conservative Mormon neighbors, but it sure bothers a heck out of me. So much complaints about how the US government helped the Christians prosecute the early LDS church, and yet not a peep about President Young deliberately putting his flocks in danger when aligning with the government helped the church's own agenda. This 'the end justifies the means' modus operandi seems a recurring theme in my Mormon encounters, and I really don't like it one bit.

But I still haven't gotten around to telling you about my missionary sisters yet! That's coming up in part 5, hopefully in a few days.

Mormon Encounters Series: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9.

Why I Don't Have A Religion